It's funny that I posted this positive post last week, and yet now I am about to write a pretty opposite post today.
I. Am. Burnt. Out.
From running, that is. And you know what? I kind of don't care.
After I ran my marathon in October, I took about a month off from running it felt like; I didn't run for a while, and it felt great! I started to get into kettlebell classes & really focus on strength training instead of cardio. I started to see some [small] results & it made me feel really happy with my body. So I kept going. I still was running, just not as much.
Back in January, as I was setting my goals for 2018, I thought I just had to run a marathon again. I mean, I finished it once, so I have to try and beat my time, right?! So I wrote it down and signed up for the Columbus Marathon. I even went so far as to make a training plan for the summer to make sure I could schedule things around my long runs. I wrote them in my planner & even put them on my Outlook calendar. Locked and loaded.
I have 4 other big races planned for this year: 1) Cherry Blossom 10-miler, 2) Cleveland Half, 3) Hofbrau Half, 4) River Run Half. Training for Cherry Blossom was hard. Like, abnormally hard. I just couldn't bring myself to run more than 5 miles as my long run the whole 12 weeks I was training....which makes me upset because last year I trained SO well for it!! I was so nervous going into that race, and thankfully I came out on top, but it was not a pleasant training cycle.
For running, at least.
I still went to Barre every Monday, and Kettlebell pretty much every Thursday. I even had 6 sessions of Personal Training over a 6 week period which was killer and awesome! I got stronger & I could really feel it (and started to see it). I liked that feeling--still do--and I knew it was helping me with my running. I just....didn't want to run.
I don't know when it happened, or why, but I realized one day that I'm just burnt out from running. Maybe I've reached my max with the marathon. Maybe the gross Michigan weather has beaten me down. Maybe I started to compare myself unconsciously to others. Maybe trying to go faster has gotten stuck in my head in a bad way. Maybe I'm over-training. I DON'T KNOW....I just know I'm not motivated to do anything with running.
And that makes me sadder than I can explain.
Last Monday I watched the Boston Marathon live. I watched as Shalane Flanagan fell back and Desi Linden sprinted forward to win her first big race. My heart was racing, I was shaking, and I cried as her husband was cheering her on and through all of her post-race interviews. It was amazing to see the athleticism portrayed that morning and it inspired me so much!!
But I didn't feel like I wanted to run a marathon like I usually do after that stuff....instead, I just wanted to be on the sidelines cheering those people on. It was a new feeling for me to just want to spectate and not race--I'm sure I'd probably feel different when I was actually at the race, but not that day.
So that's the day I decided that I wasn't going to run a marathon this year.
I'm just not ready to devote my life to training again this summer. Last year I was 100% on board with it, but this year I just want to run for fun and focus on enjoying life--I have a lot of personal stuff planned and I know that I won't be as dedicated to running as I was last year. That's not to say that I'm not going to go for a long run every once in a while--as weird as it sounds, I still love that feeling when I'm done! But I'm not going to let it control my life as much as it did last year.
And I'm OK with that.
I'm at peace with my decision, even if there is a small part of me that feels like a slacker. But I just needed to share with anyone who reads this to make sure you know that it's TOTALLY OK to listen to your mind & body. Don't force yourself to do something that is holding you back mentally.