Hard.

Hard.

Lately things have just been hard.

It's been hard to run--mentally and physically.
I don't really know why I've reached this bump in the road. Maybe I'm burnt out? Maybe I'm over running? Maybe I'm just pushing myself too much?

I don't know.

It's been hard to eat right all the time.
I'm going back and forth between different macro counts, and that's probably what is affecting me. I also forget to count on the weekends, or maybe I just don't want to most of the time. And I feel my fluff creeping back, which could be affecting my running form.

I don't know.

It's hard being a military girlfriend AND being long distance on top of that.
Don't get me wrong--it is WORTH it....HE is worth it 10000%. But, it's hard. And what's even harder is that I really don't have anyone to talk to who gets it--besides Carolann, who is a saint and answers all my questions and quiets my negative thoughts with a compassionate heart. I went through a tough few days this week when Andy had to be out of communication and we weren't expecting it. If I knew it was going to happen I would have been OK, but all of a sudden having that taken away from us and [on my end] not knowing why or what was going on....it was hard. I distracted myself enough with work, but at night I had nothing to do other than go through every single terrible scenario in my head. How do I stay sane as I continue to deal with this?

I don't know.

It's hard to make decisions about the future with so much stuff in the unknown.
I have dreams of things I want to do, trips I want to take, hopes of things that I'd like to see happen. Andy and I have also been talking through some plans and hopes and dreams for our future together--it's all good and it makes me SO happy! But it's also been hard to turn these dreams into reality. And it's been hard to realize that my 'comfortable' life I have had for 31 years is about to be 'uncomfortable', and I need to get used to that. Which, in all honesty, the idea is growing on me more and more every day but that doesn't mean I'm not scared or concerned about certain things. How can I go ahead and make a decision when there's still so much unknown?

I don't know.

And finally....
I've been incredibly hard on myself.
Between running, and trying to eat right, and being swamped at work, and making big life decisions....I can't help but be hard on myself for a lot of things. Things that I don't need to be hard on myself about, probably. But I spend a lot of time alone (I don't mind that, actually), and my thoughts wander. I know I shouldn't be hard on myself for certain things, but it's easy to do it.

I'm not trying to seek pity or even say I'm depressed, because I'm not. I'm self aware enough to know that I'm not depressed, thankfully. But I know I shouldn't be pushing myself so much about a lot of these things. The problem is I'm just at a loss for how to stop myself from thinking these thoughts. So they just keep coming. And right now I am just getting through life as best as I can, dealing with all of these hard things. Because I know in the end this is just a short phase; things won't always be hard, so I just need to get through it.

Life isn't always easy, and things won't always be comfortable. For some reason, I've let myself believe that my life should be orderly and follow a 'plan' I made in my head. But when a new [better] plan comes along I get nervous and don't know how to move forward without questioning everything to make sure I am making the right decisions....staying fit and healthy....keeping my mind in a good space.....

Am I making sense? Maybe not. But that's OK. I just needed to get my thoughts out.

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Weekly Workouts [week 261]

Weekly Workouts [week 261]

Weekly Workouts [week 260]

Weekly Workouts [week 260]